Beer Banter

What Bartenders Really Think of Your Beer Order

Have you ever wondered what assumptions your bartender makes about you after hearing your drink order? Well, now you know.

What Bartenders Really Think of Your Beer Order

Bartenders have a hard job. They have to deal with drunk people every night. I’m sure you can image what bartenders are thinking about that freshly-legal group ordering Long Island Iced Teas and Porn Star shooters (we’ve all been there). But what assumptions are bartenders making about you when you’re ordering your favourite beer? Read at your own risk…


What Your Beer Order Says About You


India Pale Ale

You’ve never lost a game of beer pong. You’re loud and semi-obnoxious but it’s why people like you. Bartenders know you’re only ordering an IPA to impress your friends and show that you’re a real “hop head”. It’s ok. Put down the super hoppy IPA that you’re struggling to get through and order a blonde ale.

IPAs we love:
Summit SeekerBanded Peak Brewing Company
Fat Tug IPADriftwood Brewery


Stout or Porter

You are patient and demanding at the same time. You appreciate well crafted beer, yet you don’t come off as annoying when telling people about it. Be proud of that, because it’s a hard thing to do. You have probably been told you have a “solid” handshake.

Stouts we love:
Death By CoconutOskar Blues Brewery
Oilberta StoutBrewsters Brewing Company


Pale Ale

You are a simple person. You like drinking pale ales because they represent your personality; light-hearted and easy-going. You love spending time outdoors, will eat anything if it has bbq sauce on it, and baseball is your favourite sport.

Pale Ales we love:
WindstormStanley Park Brewing
UncannyMother’s Brewing Company



You’ve claimed to “know that song before it was popular” at least once in your life. You’re not usually a craft beer fan but you can get down with a good wheat ale. You have a witty (see what we did there?) sense of humour and are usually the funniest person at house parties.

Wheat beers we love:
Belgian WitMill Street Brewery
Stargazer Chamomile WheatCanuck Empire Brewing



You’re a chill person and make friends very easily. In the summertime, you spend 90% of your time on a patio. You claim to be a “huge Van Morrison”, yet you only know one song (we all know which one). While pilsners are your favourite, you’d pretty much drink anything.

Pilsners we love:
CreedenceCrazy Mountain Brewing Company
Downtime PilsnerSamuel Adams



It’s safe to say, sour beers aren’t for everyone. None of your friends enjoy the same beers you do, but they do enjoy your impressive record collection you have at home. You’re not afraid to be different or wear weird sweaters. You also probably go to board game cafes to play Monopoly.

Sour beers we love:
PitayanaBrasserie Générale
Rosy CheeksNo-Li Brewhouse


Fruit Beer

You’re scared of needles and have never had a confrontation with anyone. You are known to only have a couple at the bar and then sneak out without saying goodbye to anyone. When asked what your favourite holiday is, your answer is always “my birthday”.

Fruit Beers we love:
Main SqueezeAlley Kat
Kataja JuniperSteel & Oak Brewing Co.


Gluten Free Beer

Your life sucks and everyone probably feels sorry for you.

Gluten Free Beers we actually like:
Lazy Mutt Gluten FreeMinhas Micro Brewery
New Grist Ginger Gluten FreeLakefront Brewery


For more satirical beer posts like this one, check out these links:

15 Signs You’re In A Relationship With Beer
The 5 Stages Of Being Beer Drunk
Funny Beer Plumbing Prank
17 Cats That Love Beer More Than You

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